FROM THE GARDEN GNOME
To GARDENING NEWS
(1992)

by Lauren Cooper
(1964 - 1999)
 

Dear Mr. Editor Du Rose,

I hope you will forgive me for presuming to suppose
(I readily admit to being somewhat green)
That you can solve my problems as regards the outdoor scene.

I know that, being me, I oughta know it all -
But my head, like the rest of me, is rather small.
So please could you tell me, without eyebrows puckering
How to stop lilacs suckering,
Mint from wild rampaging;
Parsley from saging;
Weed seeds from scattering;
Botomless buckets rusting;
Rhubarb leaves from killing;
Sticky black-weed from black-berrying;
Next-door's dog from chewing
My flower bulbs in spring ...

Before I close, my other job is penner;
I wonder if you could tell me why
I've only earned one fiver and one tenner
In two annums.  Please reply!

I've heard one can grow money off of trees,
So please, please ...  Tell me how, please!

Your

Little Garden Gnome